Waking up to mom's noise
When you live for 30 years in a city with your
family all the time, you might take everything for granted. Sometimes,
relationships get so close that our mind wants break and go away.
I am at home, sleeping in the morning when my mom
wakes up early morning and starts doing household chores. The sounds of her
walking here and there, opening doors, picking stuff and putting while I am
asleep has always been there.
Today when I was sleeping, I heard the same sounds. My
mom was working at home, walking in my room, picking some stuff and I could hear
it even when I was asleep.
But when I woke up, I realised it was my roommate, a
dirty, lousy guy from some remote village in Kashmir with a long beard without
moustache. My sweet dream was dashed, terrible, isn’t it? You cannot feel it if
you haven’t lived away from your family what a person undergoes. I felt very
sad for my mom was just with me, I just had to open my eyes and see her, I
could see my room where I had spent many years.
At times, I forget I am living in a desert country and get surprised as I open my eyes. It was hard to believe but I realised that may be
this was my fault, may be this was destiny. But why did I leave home and
family? I could become a good lawyer as my parents always wanted me to be. I
could become a college or university lecturer and live a peaceful life there,
at home with family.
I even yelled at her for disturbing me early mornings and now I want to be disturbed by the same sounds.
I even yelled at her for disturbing me early mornings and now I want to be disturbed by the same sounds.
Living thousands of kilometres away from the family,
friends, society that I grew up with, it becomes difficult sometimes to even
realise that I am not at home.
Eating outside food every time I am hungry, the
taste of homemade meals is months away. A place, where I would call
my friends if lonely and they would appear at the drop of a hat. Life had
become so much better there.
And there I left everything, well-settled,
well-established and a running life.
Will I ever get back to home? I keep asking myself
every now and then. I would admit that I always knew the consequences and that
depression has been my friend for a long time. I always knew that it would haunt me time and again, still I chose it.
Nasser Gorsi
